Thoughts2Treasure

As I am writing this I am sitting on a US Airways flight scooting across the sky on my way to Charlotte, to connect to go to Toronto. I got up this morning, showered, finished packing, looked in the mirror and thought to myself, “Another day, another airplane.” Since 1978, this has been my life – airport, airplane, taxi, hotel, do my presentation and then, back in the taxi, back to the airport, another plane and another city. So many people say to me, “I would love to have your life,” and I think, “Yea, you would like to have it until you had to do it.”

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE what I do. There is nothing I would rather be doing than sharing my research and insights with audiences all over the world. I love reaching out to people from all walks of life and helping them understand, “There is more to your life than what you have experienced up to now. There is an adventure waiting for you!” What I do is a calling; it is a crusade that brings me happiness, fulfillment and abundance. It is not something just anyone can do. You have to feel from the inside out this is the life you were put on this earth to live. And, I believe that!

People ask me constantly, “Why do you do this?”

My response is, “This is my purpose in life!”

I get some strange looks when I say that. So many people just settle in their life. Are they happy? NO! But, they feel safe in the routine they have created for their life. The concept of feeling safe is such an interesting emotional process. I believe God put us on this earth for growth, for adventure, to have a life where each day is an experience of improvement. For so many that is such a foreign concept. They don’t realize without risk, adventure, and seeking ways to improve they are actually trapped in their Circle of Sameness. In that Circle, they may feel ok, but most don’t feel fulfilled. They just exist in their day and create a routine of existence.

So many have told me, “It’s ok for now. Someday I will have time for the life I really want.”

I listen and know inside it is a story without a path to achievement. They are designing the life they will have with the behavior they are practicing.

Other times when people ask me, “Why are you doing this?”  My response is, “Because I am living my dream. I am having fun!”

Again, this is a foreign concept for many. When they were young, they had what they called a dream, but in reality it was a sketch in their imagination they never fed – so over a period of time it got buried under all the reasons and excuses about “why they couldn’t do it.” Without realizing what they were doing, they were giving up on the life they could have had and settling for the existence that would become their trap.

The word “Dream” is such an interesting word. Many confuse it with a goal, but a dream is not a goal!

A dream is a sketch in your imagination that each day is looking for the nourishment that will fuel the desire that keeps it at the center of adventure and challenges you to continue to reach for the horizon, even if you don’t have a clear picture of what it is.

Dreams are so important to your life! Why?

They give you a direction! How many people do you know who get up each day and wander in their repetitive circle of living? There is no adventure to their life. What they fail to realize is without direction you are trapped in your own self-created wilderness. Direction gives you a sense of purpose. It allows your imagination to plan beyond the moment you are standing in. How important is that?

Dreams give you a reason to get up and get going! I remember my conversation with Deb. I had just finished my program, “No Limits,” and I could tell by her demeanor as she approached, she was in a funk!

She stared at me for a moment, leaned in and said in a questioning voice, “I don’t know if I like you or hate you!”

I just smiled and waited for her to continue.

“You just described my life in detail. I am lost and know it, but don’t know what to do. I used to be that dreamer you were talking about, but every time I shared my dream with the people in my life, they would just laugh and tell me I needed to ‘get real.’ I guess when you hear that enough you start to believe it. Recently, I have found myself restless and not happy with where I am. It’s like this little girl that used to dream all the time has been awakened and wants out to play. My problem is I don’t have a clue what she wants to do. You talked about needing a direction; I don’t have one. You talked about a reason to get up in the morning; I don’t have that either. I wake up in the morning, stare out the window and just pull the covers back over my head. I’m hiding from my life. No, I guess I am actually running from the fact I don’t have a life!”

She was right on. The dream that little girl had that got buried was resurfacing and screaming to get out. Do you know how many Deb’s there are out there?

Dreams energize your life. When your dream is alive within you, you are charged; you get up seeking the meaning of the day in front of you. That sketch, that dream when fueled, creates the desire to know the unknown, gives you the passion to continue when the terrain gets tough. It motivates you and that energy creates PASSION!

Ralph came to the front of the room, flopped down in a chair and just started laughing. “I just love your energy. You are like a lightening bolt that reaches from the inside of you and zaps people in your audience.”

There was a pause as the expression on his face changed. “I used to be like you. I got up in the morning charged for the day. I couldn’t wait to see what the day was going to bring me. I knew no matter what it was I could learn from it. I was alive, dreaming and every day excited!”

Again a pause and a look jumping from his eyes now filled with sadness. “Then, one day it was gone. I lost my mojo and haven’t been able to get it back. It was like one day you are alive and the next day you are internally dead. To be honest with you, I don’t like this me I am now. I want that other me to come back. I want to get back to dreaming, to finding the purpose in each day, to being alive with energy. Without my dream to get me up, get me going and fuel me with energy, I am simply a shell existing in a world I don’t like.”

Do you think there are other Ralph’s out there? Do you have any idea of how many people get up each day with a dead spirit? They were once alive with energy, but today exist in their world with nothing to really build on. It’s like their internal circuit breaker has been tripped.

Dreams provide you with anticipation! Your mind likes a challenge. It likes to color each day with optimism. It knows where you have been, what you have learned, what you want to do and knows you can do it! That’s anticipation. That’s what allows you to step into the unknown with controlled fear. That’s what opens the door to adventure. That’s what takes you out of the Circle of Sameness and frees you to be the person God put you on this earth to be. That’s the freedom to live!

Dr. Charlie Sink is one of my favorite people in the entire world. I met Charlie and Vonda at a “Growth” Seminar I was doing. His energy, his presence, his hunger to learn drew me to him. Charlie and Vonda became two of my Private Coaching Students. As I got to know Charlie, I soon learned that he was ok with what he was doing (Real Estate Investing), but not satisfied with his life. It was like he was just filling time with moments of activity.

Charlie had left the world of veterinarian medicine because he wasn’t happy working with vets who used the emotional pain a client was feeling for their pet to “take them to the cleaners.” Being a vet was his passion and his pain. When he realized he couldn’t change the industry, he physically left, but mentally never detached.

During our working together, I would ask him, “Charlie, why do you think God put you on this earth? Do you think you are doing with your life what your talents say you should be doing?”

In the beginning he hated me asking that question, but I knew Charlie Sink was not in sync with his dream. We started talking about him opening his own clinic.

Back in Cheyenne, Wyoming he had his own clinic, but when he moved to Phoenix, he worked for other doctors. What Charlie saw was against what Charlie thought veterinarian medicine should be. He couldn’t handle what he saw being done to individuals because of the love they had for their pets!

Vonda and I kept challenging him to open his mind to having his own clinic. I challenged him to look at his skills, his talents and see if he was living his dream. His response was, “I don’t know!” Inside he knew, but if he admitted it, he would have to do something about it. The more we talked about his passion, his gifts, what he wanted for his life, the more Charlie started seeing the impact he could have on the industry he loved.

Finally, Charlie realized God had put him on this earth to be a veterinarian. He had known that was his calling since he was a child. He grew to understand, you don’t help things to improve by running away. You help by standing up and making a statement through what you do.

With that came the birth of “Grand Paws Veterinarian Clinic.” If you could meet Dr. Sink today, you would find a man who is Living His Dream! He is back in sync with his God given talent; he is making a difference by what he is doing in and with his practice. When was the last time you say a Veterinarian Clinic where the waiting area was full and people were standing outside to get in, and they didn’t mind waiting to have their pet treated by Dr. Sink?

Once Charlie got back in sync with whom he is and the purpose of his life, he lives with the anticipation of the Clinic growing (although, if it grows much more, he is going to have to find a bigger place) and him being able to help as many people as possible.

I love being around him, feeling his passion, watching his mind sketch the next dimension of his dream and seeing his spirit alive because he is living his dream!

Can you say, “I am living my dream?” Would it be more honest to say, “I am searching for my purpose in life?” Your dream is ALIVE inside you just waiting for you to take that deep breath, trust yourself and step forward with the faith that really can move mountains.

Dreams make today a source of joy and tomorrow a waiting room filled with opportunities. When you are not living your dream, you can’t experience the real meaning of joy. When you are not daily experiencing what you feel is the purpose of you being on this earth, you can’t see tomorrow as any different than today. As hard as you may try, without a sketch your imagination is drawing, you will lack clarity of purpose, calmness that sees beyond the confusion and the confidence that makes the unknown a time of opportunity. You will be locked in your world of sameness talking about a tomorrow that is a blank page.

Dusty is one of the finest young men you will ever meet. I met him while doing a program in Sioux Falls. His energy, his passion, his zest for life were the first things I saw in him. His words to me were, “I am at a crossroads in my life. What I am doing with my life I thought I would do the rest of my life, but I’ve learned to never lock yourself into one dream. Don’t get me wrong; I really do like what I do, but the passion I once had is just not there any more.”

He paused, looked at me with his mouth posed to speak, “Can I ask you a question, and you won’t think I’ve lost my mind in asking you this?”

I smiled and said, “Lay it on me!”

“My business is very successful, and I make a good living, but, and it is a BIG but, I am thinking about selling it and going to Bible College. Now the few people I have said this to have all thought I was crazy. Why would I give up a successful business and do that? I just feel it is what I am supposed to be doing. I get up each day, do my work, come home and feel there is something missing. It is that missing part that just keeps nagging at me. Do you think I’m crazy for thinking this way?”

“Dusty, in life you learn most of the advice people give you is their opinion, not their belief. Most people wouldn’t even conceive doing what you are thinking about doing. They are trapped in their own little world by the fear of what might happen if they really started dreaming and decided to reach for their dream. You must listen to what you know, not what you fear. If you feel this is what you are to do with your life, do it! It is your life, not theirs. To deny yourself the adventure is to shut the door on today and change the plan for tomorrow.”

“Richard, as I am standing here, I have an inner peace and a feeling of joy thinking about doing it. I know if I don’t, I will always wonder about what I missed and not know what opportunities I missed. I have just got to do it!”

Did he do it? You bet! When I talk to him he is one happy young man. He is living his dream. He is standing in the moment where he feels he belongs preparing for the opportunities that are in front of him.

QUESTION FOR YOU!

Would you say you are living your dream? Would you say you are where you want to be in your life? Is fear in anyway holding you a hostage and keeping you from stepping forward and experiencing the real meaning of life?

Living your Dream is the key to your inner motivation. It is the source of your spirit being alive with power and your imagination with a big box of crayons ready to color your sketch with meaning, purpose, and abundance.

WHAT IF I COULD HELP YOU BRING YOUR DREAM TO LIFE, WHAT WOULD THAT MEAN TO YOUR LIFE?

Each summer I do a conference where I offer 200 people the opportunity to spend a weekend with me searching their life for the path, learning how to achieve the greatest life possible and connecting them with others who are seeking the same journey. The conference is called StarMaker. This year, 2012, StarMaker is July 20-22 in Colorado Springs, CO. My theme is DREAM BIG NOW!

I am going to help you understand the purpose of a dream, the components of that dream and explain to you the 8 Steps to Living Your Dream NOW!

Do yourself a favor. CLICK HERE and allow me and some of those who have attended StarMaker to share with you why you should be there. StarMaker is a life altering experience!!

http://www.starmakerconference.com/

I AM A DREAMER! I believe in dreams and realize the struggle for most in achieving their written goals is there is no dream to connect their written statements to.

If you want to strengthen your dream, make it more than a thought, allow your imagination the right to see all the opportunities life brings you, come learn with me in Colorado! July 20-22! Join me and a host of people who are wanting to have their best life possible in Colorado Springs for my StarMaker Conference. The link below will give you an overview of the Program.

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!! YOU WILL MEET PEOPLE WHO WILL BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR EVER.

As a gift to you from me as a member of my Blog Family, receive a $50 discount off of the registration fee of $399. Any question, contact me at Richard@RichardFlint.com

Come Dream with me in Colorado Springs this July!

First, I want to thank all of you who have become followers of my Blog. I can’t begin to believe the response I have received from the articles I have written. From the comments I have read (and there have been many) the subject matter has connected.

Second, many of you have asked how you can learn more about who I am and what I do. I want to invite you to my website, www.RichardFlint.com. There you can learn about all the things I have and am doing. Please pay attention to my Morning Minute and my summer StarMaker Conference. These are opportunities I know you will find valuable to your growth journey.

So many times I have been asked to write “a little more” on several of the articles, but none more than the Blog I wrote on “Controlling The Stress In Your Life.” In my years of counseling, speaking and working with human behavior, I have never seen so many people challenged with stress like I am today. The uncertainty of the times and the affect that uncertainty is having on the lives of people has increased the level of stress so many are feeling.

In a recent conversation with a seatmate on a flight, he put it this way, “I have been through several economic adjustments, but none that have lasted this long. When we first started this slide, I just thought here we go again. Little did I know four years later I would find myself struggling financially, living with a level of fear I have never experienced and lost as to what to do. Am I stressed? The answer is YES in all caps. I just hope I can hang on and stay internally together long enough to see the other side.”

This conversation is one I have had over and over with people from all walks of life. I want to take a chapter out of my book The Truth About Stress and share with you “Twelve Realities.”

Please hear this!! You can’t eliminate stress! It is a daily part of your life. The good news is YOU CAN CONTROL IT’S AFFECT ON YOUR LIFE. Take the following information seriously:

An excerpt from “The Truth About Stress”

CHAPTER 4

Twelve Realities

         Before you tour your Stress House, you need to stand in the front yard for a few minutes and take a look at some things that will make a difference to your tour. As you move through your Stress House, you are going to discover parts of your life in each room.  As you sense and see this, you are going to ask “Why?”  I’m going to give you 12 realities that will prepare you for your visit to your Stress House.  Without an understanding of these twelve realities, you will enter the house without some very necessary information.  These realities are not magical, but they give you insights you need to understand the truth about stress and how to control the stress in your life.  You do not have to agree with what I say, but I do want you to pay close attention to what you are reading.

Reality 1:

You Create Your Own Realities

It is important that you understand this: the only definition your mind has of “truth” is what you tell it.  The human mind records everything it sees and hears, but it only gives back what is requested.

Let’s look at two people experiencing the same situation: one enters the situation, feels it is going to be bad, and spends his energy looking for the pain.  He is really telling his mind, “Show me the pain of this event.”  What does his mind do?  It shows him everything that is wrong and gives the requested pain.  What is his mind doing?  It is responding to his request.

Another person enters the same event, but asks her mind to show the value of this situation in her life.  What does her mind do?  It shows the meaning and growth of the situation.  What is her mind doing?  It is giving the information requested.

Your mind responds to your request for information.  It contains so much more than you ask, but it responds according to what you want.

The game Trivial Pursuit gives us a very valuable lesson.  While playing the game, have you ever been asked a question you didn’t think you knew the answer to it and had some strange thought pop into your mind?  You blurted it out, and someone said, “That’s right!”  You didn’t tell anyone you guessed, did you?

While playing partners, have you ever been asked a question, had a strange answer pop into your mind, and whispered it in your partner’s ear?  He or she looked at you like you were crazy, but blurted it out anyway?  Someone stared at the question card and with a look of amazement said, “That’s right!” What do you do?  You tell everyone you told your partner the answer, right?

The game teaches a very important lesson:  The human mind really never forgets anything; however, it does not volunteer information, either.

The only definition your mind has for “truth” is what you tell it.  It gives, responds, and defines according to what you request, or what you want.

It is from those “wants” you define reality.  “Reality” is your painting of what is happening.  Reality will vary from person-to-person.  Your definition of reality is based on your feelings, your desires, and your wants.

You create your own realities.  It is not the situation, not the event, but what you feel that creates your sense of reality. This, in turn, gives you your understandings of what’s happening in your life.

Reality 2:

You Are An Integrated System

This is very important in forming a system to control the stress in your life.  For years it was taught that a human was three separate entities — mind, body, and emotion.  Each was important, but was not related to the other.  Then, one day someone discovered that the three really were related.  The mind, the body, and the emotion work together as a system of checks and balances.  Have you ever had a day when you were so mentally exhausted that you were physically tired?  Have you ever had a time when you were so physically drained that mentally you had a headache?  What about a time when you were so emotionally shot that you were physically a wreck?

Here is something to think about: Your body is smarter than you are.  It responds better in working to control stress than your whole person does.  On those days when the mental part of you is at load capacity, the other two provide the relief you need.  Any time one of the three is about to short-circuit, the other two provide a release valve.  The real danger arises when you are mentally exhausted, emotionally shot, and physically drained all at the same time.  At that point there is no release valve, and the system will break down.

For checks and balances, you must learn to listen to your system.  Your mind, body, and emotions warn you in plenty of time to control the impending pressure.  You are an integrated system.  You are designed to handle pressure as long as you are in control.  At the point where pressure controls you, none of the systems are of any value.  The result is a break down.

Reality 3:

You Prove Your Beliefs To Yourself

Realities 3, 4, and 5 work together as a trio of thought.  You need to look at them individually, but keep in mind that each has a bearing on the others.

Everyday people tell you everything you need to know about them, and they don’t even have to open their mouths to do it.  If you want to know what people think or feel about a situation, watch their actions.  What people believe about a situation controls their responses, and they will work to prove what they feel.

I’m sure you have been around people who worked hard to prove their beliefs.  For instance, people who feel they cannot do a certain task work hard to prove to everyone they cannot do it.  Encouragement from others around them may cause them to put forth a little effort, but they will make sure it is not enough to accomplish the task.  When they have tried and did not achieve, they will respond with, “I told you so!”

It is amazing to watch people work to prove what they can and cannot do.  When they are committed to proving they “cannot,” they are defeated before they ever start.  It is important you understand that negative is not a concept, but an action that is expressed through how you deal with a situation.  There can be no question that this process creates stress.  When you are working to prove a belief, there is inherent pressure to make sure you are right.  This is another part of the theory of justification. What you believe, you will work to justify through your actions.  You work to prove your beliefs to yourself.

Reality 4:

Behavior Follows Beliefs

It’s easy to see how this answer relates to #3, You Prove Your Beliefs to Yourself.  When you are working to prove what you feel, your behavior will be arranged to coincide with your belief.  Let me take you back a few years in my life to draw an illustration.

I come from a family where I was the only male child on either side.  All my parent’s brothers and sisters had female children.  In my home the only males were my dad and I.  Even the animals were female!  Being one of a kind with three sisters made for some very interesting childhood experiences.  To this day, I still say that my sisters did not like me.  It is a wonder I am alive today.

I’ll never forget the day my sisters decided it was time for me to learn to swim.  I was five years old, and they were nine, seven, and four.  At the time we lived in New Orleans, a block from a canal and five blocks from the Mississippi River. There was a playground area on the bank of the canal where the neighborhood group would always gather.  This particular morning the game was not an exciting one for me.  It was called “Teach Richard to Swim.”  I didn’t want to play this game, but that did not matter to my sisters.  They made the rules.  They cornered me, grabbed me, picked me up and tossed me into the canal.  They stood on the bank with lots of soil under their feet screaming, “Swim, Dummy! Swim!”  I was in the canal with no soil under my feet, going up and down like a cork, screaming, “Help me! Help me!”  A little man, who had come to the canal to enjoy fishing, heard my plea for help.  After inspecting the situation, he decided that I was not going to swim, so he jumped in and pulled me to the shore.

That experience led me to believe that if I ever got into water I would drown.  Any time I was around a lake, a river, a stream, or any body of water, I was terrified.  My beliefs conditioned my behavior.

Have you ever had an experience that conditioned your behavior?  When you feel strongly about something, it will condition your behavioral patterns.

Behavior follows beliefs.  We must take this one step further and look at what happens when you try to fix it: if you try to change your behavior without examining your beliefs, no change will occur.  Change that does not deal with beliefs only creates frustration.  The more you understand why you do what you do, the easier it becomes to handle the frustration.  Behind each action is a belief.  Too many times you become so caught up in the action that you forget to deal with your feelings and beliefs.  If you do not deal with your feelings, the end result will be resistance, fear, and frustration.

Reality 5:

Thoughts Create Feelings

This is the last in the trio of related answers about your beliefs and feelings.  We’re now getting a little deeper inside the human response system.  This answer deals with a very important aspect of control.  Have you ever tried to change your attitude and thought you had changed it, but then found yourself back in the same frame of mind?

Thoughts create feelings.  Attitudes are not feelings; they are the expression of inner thoughts.  Attitudes are not problems; they are visual symptoms of deeper issues.  Attitudes are the visual projection of thoughts.  By the time someone actually sees your attitude, you have already designed your feelings.  You will not be able to change your attitudes until you reconstruct your thoughts about the event.  Until you redefine your thoughts, your attitude will remain the same.  Your attitude may change for a brief time, but your thoughts will always resurface.

There is a “cousin” term that needs a moment of attention.  It’s called habit.   Have you ever seen people try to change a habit, only to end up frustrated?  Most explanations of habits leave out a very important point.  Habits are not just actions people do over and over again. Habits are actions that people do with consistency because they get satisfaction from them.  As long as the satisfaction is there, the habits will remain.  When the habits no longer provide satisfaction, people will change them by finding something that does offer the feeling of satisfaction.

Think about this:  have you ever seen people who say they want to lose weight, yet no matter how hard they try, they do not succeed?  What’s the problem?  The reason they are unsuccessful is because the habit of eating is still more satisfying than the advantages of losing weight.  The same can be said about people who are always talking about their desire to stop smoking.  The habit is still more satisfying than any of the alternatives.

Thoughts create feelings.  Until you learn to deal with your thoughts in an open and honest way, your feelings will remain unchanged.  If those feelings are a source of frustration, the longer they remain unchanged, the stronger the frustration will become.

Reality 6:

No One Can Change Another Person

For ages this has been one of the most common creators of stress ever. Time and time again people enter jobs and relationships with the attitude that they can change another person. What we all need to know is that people are not change-oriented.  People live their lives in an attempt to establish comfortable routines, not to change.  Change is one of the most frightening things you can ask anyone to do.  People spend their lives running from change, not toward it.

When I was on the counseling staff of First Baptist Church of West Palm Beach, Florida, I did a lot of premarital counseling.  I enjoyed talking with young couples who were planning to spend the rest of their lives together.  I would always talk to them together and then would ask the groom-to-be to go for a walk.  I wanted to talk to the future bride alone.  I always got strange looks from the groom, but I would assure him that it was going to be okay.  After he left, I would open my desk and take out a note pad on which I had written, “Things I Plan to Change About Him After We Are Married.”  On the sheet were six blanks.  I would ask the young lady to list the six things she intended to change about him after they were married.  Most of the brides listed at least seven things! I later realized that I should have asked the grooms to make a list because they, too, have expectations of making changes.

Do you know the frustration that arises when people enter situations intent on being creators of change?  Human beings do not like change.  When people enter situations bent on being creators of change, they are not met by willing participants. Most people do want to improve, BUT they don’t want to have to change to get the improvement.

I’ll never forget one woman who came to me totally despondent.  Jane married a gentleman, knowing that he possessed traits she could not stand, but feeling confident that she could change him.  She sat in my office defeated.  She had given up.

She said, “I’ve tried . . .I’ve tried every way I know to change him, but he won’t change.” She paused for a few moments as if she were reliving every aspect of the relationship where she had tried to change him.  Then with a look of total disgust, she said “Do you know what?  I don’t think he wants to change.”

Jane had defined the lesson, even if she hadn’t accepted it.  No one can change another person.  Trying to change another person creates an arena of personal frustration.  You cannot do anything to people without their permission and cooperation.  You cannot change other people.  To think you can is to place yourself in a very stressful situation.  Now, don’t read my message incorrectly.  I am not saying that people cannot change.  People can change, but they—not you must institute the change!  You cannot change another person!

Reality 7:

Intuition (what you feel) Is Just As Important As Cognition (what you know)

Have you ever been in an internal tug-of-war where your feelings were in conflict with your mind?  Your mind told you to do one thing, while your gut-level feelings told you to do another.  Your intuition (what you feel about an event) is just as important as your cognition (what you know about the event).  Sometimes what you know becomes your justified thoughts.  These gut level feelings are based upon feelings defined by information you have accepted as factual.  Nothing is wrong with this.  There is a place and time for this type of decision-making, however you must be sure this does not become your only way of understanding or defining a situation. Your thoughts can mislead you.  Sometimes what you feel provides a more honest evaluation of the situation.

Don’t ever just disregard your gut-level feelings. They are the most honest emotions you have.  Give them their proper place among your emotions, and they will help take some of the pressure out of the decision-making process.  Deny them their place and they will leave you with questions that will become nagging memories.

Reality 8:

People Talk To Hear Themselves Talk

I have seen many living illustrations of this in my lifetime, but there is one that stands above the rest. I had endured a long day of speaking on the west coast and was looking forward to leaning back and relaxing as I boarded the plane to fly home to the east coast.  I took my seat, settled in, and then I saw him coming.  You could tell by the way he was walking he had experienced one of those days you do not want to experience.  I whispered a little prayer “God, don’t put him next to me.”  It was too late.  He didn’t sit in the seat: he fell into the seat.  I tried very hard not to notice him.  I knew if I did, I would not be able to get rid of him for the entire flight.

Once he got his body and mind arranged, he was ready.  He needed someone to “vent” to, not have a conversation with. He began by asking me what I did, and I knew that when I told him, the rest of the trip would be spent indulging his emotional needs.  I told him I was a professional speaker and naturally he wanted to know what was my area of expertise.  When I told him that my background was in psychology, his eyes grew big and he got the biggest grin on his face. He looked at me and said, “I knew you weren’t here by accident!”

For the next four hours, I listened to his life history from two months before conception until the present.  In all that time I don’t think I said over ten words. If I started to say something, he would give me one of his looks that said “Hold on. I’m not finished yet.”  When we arrived at the gate, he was the first one out of his seat.  He grabbed my hand and said, “Thank you! Thank you! No one has ever helped me as much as you did. Thanks for talking to me.”

I thought to myself, “I didn’t talk to you.  You did all the talking.”  Then it hit me: I had met another person who was talking to hear himself talk.

You must learn certain things about people.  There are people who talk to you because they want you to talk back to them, and there are people who talk to you but do not want you to talk back to them.  They need ears, not a responding mouth.  If you try to talk to them, they become offended.  They will even accuse you of not wanting to listen.  They are not looking for answers, advice, or any form of words.  What they want is someone to sit there and be their personal sounding board.  They are simply talking to hear themselves.

Pressure exists on both sides of this fence.  If you have ever been around these people, you know how much pressure they can put on you.  They can stress you out in a very short while.  It takes a lot of mental energy to just sit and listen.  When you can respond with words, it creates a form of release.  When you have to just sit there and listen, knowing they don’t want you to respond, that creates pressure.

Pressure also exists for those people who want to do all the talking.  What they are doing is using other people. They don’t always understand what they are doing. They don’t see themselves as using others; they just know they need someone who will listen.  Eventually, other people will become less willing to lend them an ear. The harder it becomes for them to find a set of ears without a mouth, the more rejected they feel.

People talk to hear themselves talk.  The more you understand this, the easier it will become for you to understand why communication is such a huge challenge and the quicker you will be able to recognize this type of personality.  When you can recognize these people, you can control the pressure they place on you.  Part of controlling pressure is recognizing what creates it!

Reality 9:

Each One Of Us Is Alone

This may be the hardest of all the answers for you to understand.  I know each time I talk about this during a program, I get a lot of strange looks from people.  “Each one of us is alone” is a hard statement to accept.  Most people don’t like the feeling of being alone.  We live our lives desiring and seeking the approval of others, sometimes at the cost of our personal happiness.

People who spend their lives seeking the approval of others create a lot of stress for themselves.  They spend their lives being what others want them to be, rather than becoming what they really can become.  These people have not learned the difference between being “lonely” and being “alone.”  You need to understand this if you want to control the stress in your life.

“Lonely” is when you find yourself by yourself and you don’t like it.  Being by yourself is one of the most frightening things that can happen to you.  You do not enjoy your own company and always want to be with someone else because you know when you are alone you must deal with all the things you are running from in your life.

“Alone” is when you find yourself by yourself and you love it.  You don’t need people to be happy, because you realize other people do not create happiness.  Happiness comes from within you.  You don’t need people to feel secure, because you realize that if people can give you security, they can also take it away.  You don’t need people in order to feel worthwhile.  You realize that what other people offer you is their definition of you based on what they want you to be.  If you accept that, then you become their creation and not who you really are.

When you understand this concept, then you can also understand the difference between “need” and “want.”  If you need people, you live with blinders that hinder your vision.  “Need” limits your ability to see and know the value of people and events.  If your understanding is based on need that is all you will see.  As long as the situation or person meets your needs, things are great.  If it does not meet your needs, then what do you do?  You become critical.  Most of your criticisms are based upon the fact something has not gone the way you needed it to go, or someone has not done what you expected them to do.

“Want” is a different story.  When want is stronger than need, you see through a more mature set of eyes.  Want removes restrictions. Want accepts as is; need demands change.  Want creates an attitude of freedom; need constructs a cell.  Want makes one responsible for self; need tries to make others responsible for what has or has not been.

In this world, you must understand you are alone.  You are responsible for yourself.  Others may share your world, but they are not your world.  They may fill your world, but they are only there because at this moment they share a point of common existence.  What you do with your sphere of life must be your decision, not one made for you by someone else.  Otherwise, you lose your uniqueness and become just another clone in a world of copies.

Each one of us is alone.  The more secure you become in that thought, the more freedom you will grant the others in your life.  The more comfortable you become with your “aloneness,” the more willing you will be to grant others the space they need to be themselves.  People who smother or place restrictions on the others in their lives do so out of their own insecurities.  The more secure you are in your aloneness, the less threatened you are by others.

Aloneness allows people to stop focusing on differences and start looking for how they connect.  Instead of being threatened by the difference, you can champion the right to be alone and unique.  Instead of working to make other people be like you or make them into what you need them to become, you can begin to discover the uniqueness of the relationship.  Instead of being disappointed by the fact others don’t meet your expectations, you can treasure their personal touches to your life and search for the gifts they offer you.  Only when you free others of your needs, can you discover who they really are and what they really mean to your life.  That is a great stress control!

Reality 10:

Change Is Inevitable

This is mandatory for stress control. I believe change is one of the top creators of stress.  People live their lives in an attempt to establish comfortable routines, not to change.  We will explore this idea in depth as we walk through your Stress House and its four rooms.  Most people feel they would be a lot happier if they did not have to deal with change. Change is viewed as a stressful, negative thing in life.

You must understand that change is inevitable. The stress is created in the resistance, not in the fact of change. There is growth in change. Without change there is not growth — reality is, things die.  You need to see change as a natural part of life’s order.  The more you understand that everything will change, whether you want it or not, the easier the process becomes.

Change is only an enemy when it is defined as a threat.  When change is understood (not necessarily agreed to, but understood), it can be seen as a friend.  Change is inevitable.  One of the secrets to stress control is working to understand what the change means, rather than working to keep it from happening.

Reality 11:

The More You Resist, The More It Persists

I really don’t think this answer needs a lot of defining.  You have experienced it many times.  Things don’t just go away.  They must be dealt with.  Not only do things not disappear, they often get worse.  The more you resist, the more it persists.  Situations demand action.  That demand might create stress, but stress also comes with postponement.  Postponement creates a lingering stress that just keeps gnawing at you. That stress grows each time you resist. The longer anything persists, the more energy it requires. The more energy it requires, the greater the pressure that is created.  Dealing with the event, rather than postponing the inevitable is a great stress control.

Reality 12:

You Already Know What To Do

You already know what to do with 99% of the things you struggle with in your life. You create stress by justifying not doing what you know needs to be done.  One of the greatest stress controls is to practice acceptance, rather than denial.  Denial is our way of running from necessary action.  Acceptance is the mature pattern of growth.  You already know what you need to do — so do it!

Dennis’ email reply to me was simply “I knew you were going to say that.”

My response was “How did you know how I was going to respond?”

“Richard, I knew the answer to the question when I wrote it. I just didn’t want to hear me say it, so I looked for you to tell me what I already knew.”

Life is not about not knowing; life is about doing what you know you should do. I believe that many people who have come to me over the years for counseling have not come looking for answers, but to have me tell them what they already knew, but didn’t want to hear themselves say. You already know what to do! ♦

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To purchase your copy of The Truth About Stress, CLICK HERE

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!.

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Many are breathing, but not living! The truth to that statement is the difference between living and existing.

Are you alive or merely existing? Does that sound like a strange question? The reality is most are breathing, but not really living. They get up each day trapped in their routine world that they choose to not venture out of.

Life was not given to you for existence! It was given to you for living. Do you understand the difference?

Existence is residing in a world without adventure. It is filled with sameness and routines that keep bringing you back to where you have already been.

Living is the willingness to step outside your comfort zone and daily seek the meaning for your time on this earth, the fulfillment that gives your life energy and the abundance you were placed here to experience.

Now, if you take just those simple words of understanding what the difference between the two is, are you REALLY living or existing?

When you choose to exist, what are you losing?

• Life – existing is not the purpose of your life
• Opportunity – opportunity is created by adventure
• Sense of Purpose – your purpose on this earth is growth
• Investment of Time – without living, time is wasted
• Nourishment – living feeds your soul, existing steals your life
• Growth – there is no growth in existence

Does this make sense to you? You were born to live, not simply exist!

It creates a BIG question for me – why would a person choose existence over living? Remember, you can be alive, but not living!

Here are the 6 most common reasons I have found why people choose existence:

• Poisoned by the environment they were/are part of
• Experiences are driven by fear
• Refuse to adapt to the necessary changes
• Sameness makes them feel safe
• Obstacles are all they can see
•  Negative surrounds their life

In the counseling room, I have seen these as the most common reasons people resist the adventure there is for their life. They talk to me about the great things they want to do, but then, allow their fears to override their desire. What they fail to realize is you can walk around as a dead person!

I love the thought presented in Tim McGraw’s song “Live Like You Are Dying.” You only have one life! Your time on this earth is limited and even though it might seem it will go on forever, it doesn’t!

When I was the Minister of Counseling for the church, I dealt with so many people who, at the end of their life, would talk about all the things they had missed. I would think, your life was your choice! Too many go to their grave regretting what they didn’t do. How tragic is that?

Life is for living! It is for seeing everyday as a gift to explore, to define with your presence, to not waste by waiting for tomorrow. It is a gift of time that has a beginning, BUT also has an ending. My definition of time is the space between the day you were born and the day you die. The great news is YOU get to design what you do with that time.

With time, you choose to do one of four things:

• Waste it
• Abuse it
• Spend it
• Invest it

Each day you take your time of living and do one of those four things. The reality is most take their time and either waste, abuse or spend it through their behavior – YET, at the same time talk about all the great things they want to achieve. If they would only listen to what they are saying and study the behavior they are implementing, they would see the contradiction!

My words ring so true – BEHAVIOR NEVER LIES!

Life is for LIVING! There are 4 Steps To Having The Life You Were Put On This Earth To Have!

Step #1: Live like you are dying

Today is your day, not tomorrow. The time you have right now is the only time you have. Once you understand that and accept it as the “time design” for your life, it will redefine your meaning of life.

I met Michele on a ferry ride from Mackinaw Island. I was sitting watching the waves when she just started talking to me. As we talked, I could feel a different spirit from this young lady. I thought to myself, “I have got to know where this spirit for life is coming from, so I invited her and her mother to have dinner with me.

At dinner that night I got the story. Three years prior, during a routine check-up, she was told she had a very rare form of cancer that wraps itself around our organs and chokes them to death. The prognosis was she had, at most, three months to live. Here she was the mother of 5 children, the wife of a great husband being told it was all going to end. She said, “I told myself I am not going to give up. I will find an answer.”

She heard about a doctor at Stanford University who specialized in this rare cancer, called, was given an appointment and within a few months was in surgery. She was told there was no guarantee she would live through the surgery. She and her husband talked it through, prayed about it and decided it was worth the risk.

Here she is three years later alive and doing well. Her words I had heard before, but never with the energy I felt from her. “Richard, everyday I awaken is a gift of time, of life. I was told I would be dead by now, but I am alive! Why wouldn’t I be happy? I am alive, when I was supposed to be dead.”

She is a great example of “live like you are dying!” We are all dying; we just don’t know when it is going to happen. Each day is a gift. Don’t waste, abuse or spend it looking at tomorrow and missing today. Each second you spend procrastinating you are cheating yourself out of a second of living with meaning, purpose and adventure.

Step #2: Invest each day in feeding your sense of adventure

Your spirit needs adventure! It needs adventure for motivation, for a sense of purpose, to have a direction. Adventure feeds your imagination and keeps it alive with color.

When you have a dream, you have an internal coloring book that each day you get to color with behavior.

I want to go back to Michele. I asked her, “Tell me about a day of your life.”

The smile just grew on her face as she said, “I wake up each morning and thank God for this day of life I have. I have breakfast with my husband and the kids. So many times I find myself just watching and smiling as I realize I wasn’t supposed to be here. Then, during the day I make sure I find something to do that makes this day more meaningful than yesterday. I don’t want to waste a minute of my life. I look for the adventure in the day. It is always there, and when I find it, I embrace it. At the end of the day I take my journal and write about the adventure. I can end the day knowing I have lived with meaning.”

Her words, “At the end of the day I can know I lived that day with meaning,” created such a picture for me. Each day she found the page in her coloring book to color with behavior. At the end of each day she can look at the page she has colored and know that was a day of meaning, fulfillment and adventure. Can you say that about a day of your life?

Step #3: Face your fears and control them

Fear is such a powerful enemy when you give it control of your life. When fear controls you, you stop living and start existing in the world your fear locks you in.

Fear shuts down your imagination. It takes your coloring book and turns it into something you stare at, not color in each day with behaviors designed to keep you free and growing.

In one of my recent posts I talked to you about “Controlling Your 6 Fears.” If you didn’t read it, go back and study it. Fear, when it is controlling you, steals your life. It leaves you existing in a world of sameness designed to make today a repeat of where you have already been.

What does fear steal from YOU?

• Future
• Experiences designed for growth
• Attitude
• Resilience

Can you see where fear steals life from you?

Walter said this to me – I am the person you were talking about who is not controlled by fear, but overwhelmed by it. Richard, I am the person who is afraid of his own shadow! I know this is not living, but I have existed this way so long, I don’t know any other way.

Walter is not alone in existing in fear. Fear is a part of life; it is and will always be, BUT it doesn’t have to have control of your life. Here is what I have learned – when you control your fear, you slow your life down, open up your imagination and create a pace you can manage.

I asked Michele, “Do you fear life?”

Her answer was immediate. “Richard, I don’t fear life, I embrace life. In the beginning I woke up everyday in fear. I found myself playing the ‘what if’ game and it just increased my fear. Now, I wake up each day and ask myself, ‘What can I do today?’ and the difference in the energy is tremendous. Why fear life? It is a daily gift to explore.”

Such power in her thought! Why fear life? It is a daily gift to explore! That’s freedom to live the life you were put on this earth to live.

Step #4: Experience Life!

When you put the other 3 Steps together, they give you ONE very important message – EXPERIENCE LIFE!

So many don’t experience life, they simply exist in a vacuum waiting for life to happen. Life is always happening; you may just not be living it!

So, I have a question for you! Do you just show up in a day of life or do you arrive seeking the adventure, ready to make this a day to remember? If you are not sure of the answer, just look at your attitude. Are you grateful for the day of life you have been given? Do you treat each day with respect? Do you embrace the newness the day brings to your life?

This is your life to LIVE! Don’t exist in a life of regret; live a life of meaning, purpose and abundance! It is your choice

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!.

The opposite of being focused is scattered! Everyday you choose to be scattered, you are stealing time and success from yourself!

It is one of the most common challenges I see people go through – losing their focus. You have no idea how many times I hear, “I just can’t stay focused on what I need to do.”

Recently, I finished my program and was packing up my computer when I noticed him standing to the side as if he was waiting for me to finish so he could talk to me. I looked at him and said, “Come talk to me while I finish packing my stuff.”

With that, he took a deep breath and made his way over. As he approached I motioned for him to sit on the edge of the stage. He sat, looked at me with a distant stare, looked down and said, “How do you know so much about me? You spent your time today talking about my life. Have you been spying on me?”

With that we both chuckled and I responded, “Well, they gave me a report on you, and I’m sorry I only had time to cover the first seven pages of the 200 they gave me.” I smiled and that broke the ice.

He took another deep breath, leaned forward and said, “If you have ever met a person who has their life more out of sync than me, I pity them. I can’t seem to get anything done. I start something, get sidetracked and can’t ever seem to get back to completing it. It has made my life one GIANT mess!”

As we continued to talk, it became very apparent his life was disconnected, and he had lost his ability to concentrate with a disciplined approach that would allow him to maintain his focus. I would bet you have been there. Most of us are more scattered than we are focused. Most of us spend more time cleaning up what we have started, than being able to stay centered on what we are doing.

Here is my thought – When you are out of focus, you are out of sync. That means it becomes very challenging to stay centered on what you need to do. The result is you feeling scattered, overwhelmed and frustrated.

Would you agree with my statement? Staying focused is a challenge for the majority of us! It’s not that you don’t know the need for focus; it’s just the fact there are too many incomplete stacks around your life.

When you think about having mental strength, emotional control, less stress, you are talking about being able to focus. Focus is such an important part of your life’s achievement journey.

Focus provides your life with Personal Power because it:

P         provides you with the strength to complete

O         organizes your actions

W        works with you from the inside-out

E         expands your sense of clarity

R         recharges your inner spirit

The truth is most spend more time scattered than they do focused! When you are scattered, you are filled with uncertainty. You are not sure what is important, where to start and how you are going to get all this done! That increases your personal stress, leaves you feeling lost and causes you to be mentally paralyzed. Have you ever been there?

In my research with people, I have found there is a series of behaviors that cause people to get their life scattered. Use these as a checklist and see if any are part of your life.

S         start before you are ready to get going

C         confusion takes over your decision making

A         attention to details is not done

T         there is no real plan of action

T         take advice from the wrong people

E         excitement doesn’t become enthusiasm

R         refuse to adapt in a timely fashion

E         exit when things become tough

D         discipline is weak

Do any of these sound familiar? Being scattered is an emotional choice; it is not something your mind created. You have to work at being scattered.

Since being scattered is an emotional choice, let me share with you the most common feelings “being scattered” creates:

S         staying focused is something you don’t feel you can do

C         confusion is a constant part of your life

A         attempting is more prevalent than completing

T         there is a strong sense of being lost

T         time becomes a major point of frustration

E         energy is more down than up

R         reacting is your norm

E         emotions are all over the place

D         decisions are more of a guess than a belief

Ok, can you identify with any of these feelings? If you stop and think about these, can you see how they could create the feeling of being out of sync? The feeling of being scattered is a result of YOUR life being out of sync with YOURSELF. Again, being scattered is a choice! It is not something that “just happens.” It is the result of the choices you make and then, the implementation of the behaviors that go with that choice.

Here’s the big lesson that goes with being scattered – it guarantees you will waste the greatest gift your life has been given –TIME! Once a second of life has ticked by, it is gone forever.

So, how do you learn to stay focused? That’s the question, but first we need to understand what Focus is.

Focus is the ability to maintain clarity in the midst of what seems to be confusion.

YOU are capable of being focused! The reality is you choose behaviors that steal your focus, rather than those that strengthen your focus. What behaviors am I talking about?

F         fear blocks your mental sight

E         endless circles become your living pattern

A         attempting too much becomes your design

R         resistance to adapting to the necessary changes

Again, are you guilty of any of these? You are capable of maintaining your focus, but you choose to allow yourself to get scattered.

What happens to your focus? Does it just go away? NO! Here is what my research found:

F         fear becomes stronger than your desire

E         opinions replace facts

C         confusion steals your clarity

U         undercurrents of doubt and worry create uncertainty

S         staring won’t let you see the path you need to take.

YOU are capable of being FOCUSED! That is not simply words; it is a fact, but you have to work at it.

There are 5 Keys to Strengthening and Maintaining Your Focus. They are not magical, but are the insights you need to understand and implement.

Key #1: Find Your Niche

Most spend their life searching for their “place” in life, rather than slowing down, discovering their talents and strengthening those talents. The question here is, If you could do just one thing with your life that would bring you meaning, fulfillment and abundance, what would it be? When you can answer that question, you have found your niche.

Key #2: Open Your Life To Examination

Most would rather continue their journey of being lost than stop and ask the right people for help in finding their clear path. When you are out of sync, you are LOST! That means you are standing in your own wilderness with no idea of how to get out. At this point you don’t need someone with an opinion of what you should do. YOU need a GUIDE! You need a person who has been there, but is now on the other side. That person is standing in your life, but is not going to volunteer to help; you will have to have the inner strength to reach out to them. They will ask you the right questions that will lead you to the right path. The question here is, Am I willing to admit I need help? If you are serious about having a guide in your life, let’s talk about us working together –Richard@RichardFlint.com

Key #3: Confront What Is Confusing You

Confusion is the result of the choices you have made. Every path you travel is the result of the choices you have made. Every path takes you in one of two directions – confusion or clarity. The question here is, Will this decision feed my confusion or strengthen my clarity? Your decision creates the type of journey you will have.

Key #4: Understand The Commitment Required To Achieve Your Dream

Anyone can create a plan! Look at how many people write goals, but writing a plan doesn’t mean you will achieve it. Only those who understand and accept the price tag will have the strength to stay on course. The question here is, Am I willing to do what must be done to complete what I have started?

Key #5: Stay Centered On Your Dream; Don’t Wander Off!

Every time you take a detour, you create a new direction for your life. That means you can’t ever go back to the road you were traveling. So, whatever you had planned to achieve is now part of your library of incomplete travels.

The challenge here is your fear. Most detours are the result of your fear overwhelming your desire. Each time fear takes over, you want to (and most times will) run away. The path you take becomes your detour. The question here is, Do I want it enough to slow down, face my fear and not let it take control?

Your life is your choice! Your journey is your doing. The great challenge is you staying FOCUSED on what you really want for your life

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!.

When You Lose Control Of Your Life, It Is No Longer Your Life!

Does that statement sound strange? Take a moment and think about what it says – When you lose control of your life, it is no longer your life! Reality is, you don’t lose control of your life, you give it away! As a counselor, a coach and a student of human behavior, I have watched and studied people who allow others to take control of their life, and over the years have come to understand why they give away control of their life. Here are the 7 most common reasons I have found as to why they give away control of their life.

Reason #1: Can’t Overcome Their Old Tapes

Like the thought or not, we are all programmed by our past. For many their past is a collection of negative experiences they have never confronted, resolved or worked through and therefore have become the belief center for their life. When one believes that something “is,” they create a living pattern that keeps repeating it through their behavior. A person demonstrates through behavior what they believe about their self.

Reason #2: Overwhelmed With Fear

Fear is the second biggest enemy people face in their life. Fear is an emotion that defines life’s events through doubt, worry and a landscape of uncertainty. It shuts down one’s imagination and defines life’s experiences through the “what if” game. Without a strong foundation of self worth and self trust, ones doubts, worries and feelings of “can’t” take over their life. The result is the strengthening of all those Old Tapes that keeps them locked in the repeating their fearful yesterdays. At this point they have given away control of their life.

Reason #3: Negative Environments

Negative begets negative! That is more than a statement; it is a fact. When one is in a negative environment, all they see is the negative. Stay there long enough and the negative environment creates their beliefs about their life. Soon, they give up on things being better, they accept where they are as where they will be and give up on a better tomorrow. When that happens, they are controlled by the negative forces they have given into.

Reason #4: The Lack of Self Worth

If a person doesn’t see their self as worthy, they will not believe in who they are or trust that things can be better. With this as their emotional foundation they will reach out to others to define who they are. This opens them to those who are seeking others they can manipulate and control. The weaker one’s inner beliefs about self, the easier it becomes to give others control of their life. The danger is these “others” will use them for their selfish agenda and then, throw them away.

Reason #5: Resistance To Change

The law of nature is also true about life. Anything that is not changing is dying! Change is the process that brings improvement to one’s life. When a person traps their self in sameness, they are giving control of their life to yesterday and closing the door to the opportunities of today. When yesterday has control of a life and they are locked into a world of repeating where they have been, control of their life has been given away.

Reason #6: Out Of Sync With The Purpose Of Their Life

We are not here on this earth by accident! There is a purpose to one’s life. When one is out of their niche’, not using their talent or simply wander through their time on this earth, they are not in control of their life. The wilderness they are standing in has control of their life and they are simply a lost sheep wandering through their existence on this earth.

Reason #7: Lack The Internal Spirit To Fight For Their Life

One doesn’t lose control; they give it away! That is a fact!! When one reaches a point where they feel helpless, without a purpose, feeling there is no way out, they will give up. At this point their life is spinning out of control and the free fall they are in will send them crashing into a sea fill with others who are just like them. Giving up is giving in! Giving up is letting go of everything positive one use to believe in; giving up is sinking into darkness where there is no light to show you the way out. Giving up is giving away control.

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO TO RECAPTURE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE?

The process is not easy, but it can be achieved. It will take a desire that is stronger than your fear; it will demand the elimination of certain things and people out of your life; it will require you facing your life with honesty and not avoiding truth as the answer. If you are ok with this, here is the process for REGAINING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!

STEP #1: CONFRONT YOUR OLD TAPES

There is a “New You” inside your body screaming to get out. That “New You” wants you to let go of the pain of yesterday and focus on the opportunities of today. They are always there, BUT you won’t see them as long as you are replaying all the injustices you feel your life has been handed. Turn the recording off and start with a new script for today.

STEP #2: ORCHESTRATE YOUR LIFE FOR POSITIVE ACTION

The enemy of the “New You” is the “Old You.” The “Old You” wants you to stay standing in yesterday; the “Old You” wants you to continue living in your design of repeating what has been and not believe there is anything better for your life. You have to be strong enough to tell the “Old You” out loud to “SHUT UP!” It has to be said out loud because that is the only way you will hear it. Anytime, every time the “Old You” attacks with fear, doubt, worry or the feeling of what you can’t do, you have to immediately stop and tell it to “SHUT UP; I AM NOT LISTENING TO YOU ANYMORE!” That will take a lot of personal strength, but if you want control, you have to take control away from that which does not want you to have a better life—the “Old You”.

STEP #3: NEVER GET DOWN ON YOURSELF

Every day you get down on you, you open the door for other negative people to beat you down with their negative criticism. You have to master the art of finding the good that is always present and making that your focus. The more positive your life is, the easier it becomes to lift yourself up. Being positive about you, gives you control of your life.

STEP #4: TACKLE YOUR FEARS HEAD ON

Fear is only a negative when you give it the power to push the positive to the side and force you to stare at the negative. When you control fear, it expands your imagination by slowing you down and showing you the total landscape. When the “Old You” attacks you with fear, slow down, find where the fear is coming from, face the fact it exist and then, turn it into an opportunity to learn about you. All fear is from yesterday and has attached itself to an event in today. Remove the yesterday attachment and you can control the fear.

STEP #5: REFUSE TO PROCRASTINATE

As long as you procrastinate, you strengthen the control the “Old You” has over your life. One of the best ways to regain control of your life is to ACT! It’s to see the positive action that needs to be done and DO IT NOW! Tomorrow can’t be any better until you improve today. Control today and tomorrow is under your control.

STEP 6: OPEN YOURSELF TO NEW ADVENTURES

You can’t take back control if you are traveling the same pathway. You have to exit that “old” journey and create a new avenue for you to walk. The new avenue will require a new presence. That gives you the opportunity to give the “New You” permission to design the new course. Beginning anew gives you control.

STEP 7: LET GO OF, ELIMINATE, THOSE WHO WANT TO OWN YOUR LIFE

This is your life! It is yours to live, to design, be in control of. If others in your life don’t want you to move forward, leave them standing where they are. My philosophy is simple, Never keep anyone in your life who is not part of your fan club! You are not a possession; you are an individual with talents, dreams and the right to live your life to the fullest. Let your Power To Be become the driving force in you life!

REMEMBER, YOU DON’T LOSE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE, YOU GIVE IT AWAY

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!!

You will always have fear, but fear doesn’t always have to have you!

Question! Do you ever struggle with fear? If you are human, you do. Fear is the second most powerful enemy we face in life. It can:

• fill you with fright
• emotionally overwhelm you
• attack you from several fronts at the same time
• rekindle old fears you thought you had worked through

Here is what you have to understand – fear is an emotion that when it takes control of your life, it will paralyze you. Your mind knows no fear! Your mind knows adventure, dreaming, and the freedom to soar to the highest aspects of living. Yet, when fear is stronger than desire, you will filter everything through the emotion of fear.

In my working with human behavior, I have become aware that from the day a person is born until the day they die, they will wrestle consistently with 6 Fears. Now, the interesting thing is there is no particular order. These 6 fears “just are” and arrange their place in your life depending on where you are in the situation you are facing. Also, at any given time one of the 6 Fears is the #1 challenge you are facing. When you can understand what the fear is and control its presence in your life, the other five diminish in their emotional ability to control you. If you don’t know your #1 fear, the other five will overwhelm you.

There are two things I want you to gather from this blog:

1.    What are these 6 Fears?

2.    What are the steps to understanding and controlling your fear?

First, What Are These 6 Fears?

FEAR #1: THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

If I do what I know I should do, it might take me out of my safe zone and put me somewhere I can’t control.

Most people want to feel safe. This is why they create routines for their life. It makes things predictable and in that comfort zone, they feel safe. This routine is about sameness; it is about getting up and staying in familiar territory. For most, this is how they define stability.

This is what makes the Fear of the Unknown so frightening. It means you have to leave your comfort zone, your safe ground. The challenge here is most don’t have the self-trust to step into the unknown. Without a strong foundation of self-trust, taking a risk is too big a gamble.

FEAR #2: THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT

If I do what I feel I should do, I might be left alone. I can’t be by myself.

How many people do you know who have stayed in an unhealthy relationship for the fear of not having anyone in their life? Sure they are not happy or feel loved or feel the relationship adds to their life, BUT there is someone there in their life. They exist in a pretend world and don’t deal with the reality that the other person is just filling space, not a place in their life. The Fear of Being All Alone makes this an acceptable existence.

FEAR #3: THE FEAR OF FAILURE

If I express what I am feeling, it could expose the fact I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t want to look like a failure.

For most, FAILURE has become one of those nasty words. It is like a permanent scar that never goes away. The challenge is that is the way “failure” has been taught. How many times has the statement been made “You don’t want to fail!” Or the statement, “Just fake it until you make it.” The idea of failing is a concept many can’t handle.

When one is confronted with the possibility of failing, they will either run away, find a reason why they shouldn’t be doing what they are doing or stop and start something else. They don’t understand that “failure” is simply a bridge that connects “success” and “defeat.” — Failure is simply an option that didn’t work. — It was a knockdown that you weren’t prepared for. That doesn’t make it a negative. In fact when you get back up, that is success! You fear failure because of your emotional programming.

FEAR #4: THE FEAR OF REJECTION

If I do what I feel I should do, people may not like me. I need to be liked.

There is a strong need inside each of us to feel liked, feel loved. When that need is not being fed, there is fear. You start wondering, “What is wrong with me?” or “I must not be a loveable person!” or “I must be a bad person.”

All of these emotional feelings are there because we don’t have a strong foundation of self-worth. Over the years I have found any person who doesn’t have a strong foundation of self-worth is a candidate for feeling rejected. This fear causes them to give up their individuality and become a puppet others can play with. In that they feel accepted, and as dangerous as that is, it is made ok.

FEAR# 5: THE FEAR OF LOSS

If I do what I feel I should do, it might cost me more than I am willing to pay.

With everything you want to do with your life, there is price tag. You will only go as far in life as the price tag is acceptable. When the price tag is viewed as too big a cost, you will shut down and walk away. That price tag can be mental, emotional, spiritual, financial or physical. Whatever it is – if the price tag is seen as too big, you will walk away.

FEAR #6: THE FEAR OF SUCCESS

If I do what I feel I should do, I might get results I am not sure what to do with.

If might sound strange to talk about success being a fear, but it is! Have you ever known someone who got real close to what they said they wanted and implemented behaviors that sabotaged the situation?  That’s the Fear of Success!

Have you ever known someone who tasted success and then, didn’t do the things to keep it going? It wasn’t they didn’t know what to do; they were just fearful of what might happen if the success continued to grow. That’s the Fear of Success!

Have you ever watched a talented woman put her life on hold because of the fear she felt about what would happen to her relationship IF she really became successful? It wasn’t that she didn’t want the success; she just saw the cost of the success being too great. That is the Fear of Success.

Do any of these 6 Fears sound familiar to you? If you really look at them, would any of them be a fear you struggle with? As I said earlier, from the day you are born to the day you die, you will struggle with these 6 Fears.

Now hear me say this – there is nothing wrong with fear as long as you own it and it doesn’t own you! Fear is, and that’s a fact. So, what do you need to do to control your fear?

Here are 4 Keys To Controlling Your Fear:

Key #1: Face The Fact The Fear Exist

That is the starting point. For anything in life to improve it has to begin with “face what is.” This is where you admit the challenge you are facing. This is more than just admitting you have fear; it is understanding the fact the fear exist and has an emotional grip on your life. Denial doesn’t diminish the fear; in fact it strengthens its grip on your life.

So, start with Facing The Fact The Fear Exist!

Step #2: Examine and Learn Where The Fear Comes From

All the fear you face today comes from your yesterday. There is no fear in today! Why? Because today is just now being created. Your fear comes from a situation in your yesterday that opened the emotion, strengthened it with behavior and was never faced, SO it grew in its emotional size.

Fear is an emotion we attached to situations! The situation may not be the same one that originally created the fear, but something about the situation triggers an emotional surge back to that event. Then, all the emotions that were present then, race forward and connect to the new situation.

Step #3: Address The Situation That Originally Created The Fear

When the emotion of fear takes control, it redefines the landscape. You rewrite the event based on your fear, not necessarily the facts. When this happens, your understanding of the event now has a different hold on your life. You have to go back to the situation, calm yourself down and revisit what happened.

Step #4: Rewrite The Script From A Lesson Viewpoint

This is the turning point! This is where the fear can be repositioned as a positive part of your life. Within every situation your life has been through or been handed, there is a lesson that can turn it from a negative emotionally draining situation to a positive life altering experience where you are better because you have been through it. Anything that brings a lesson to your life becomes a positive part of your journey. When you rewrite the script, you repave the emotional highway with insights you can implement into having a better life.

FEAR IS A NATURAL PART OF LIFE, BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A NEGATIVE THAT HOLDS YOU A HOSTAGE IN YOUR OWN SKIN

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

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When you can’t relax, you will always feel anxious about everything there is for you to do!

I asked Alex, “Define relax for me?” He looked at me with this look of puzzlement and for a few moments just stared at me.

“I’m not sure what it means. It’s one of my great challenges in life. I find it very difficult to relax. It seems my mind is always working, and I can’t seem to turn it off.”

The more we talked the more he understood what his inability to relax did to him mentally, emotionally and physically. It made it hard for him to focus, many times it left him emotionally exhausted and for certain it kept him physically tired.

Alex is like so many people today who find it challenging to relax. Each day they find their self wrestling with all their life is handing them. The ability to relax is one of the ways you learn to control your stress level.

In working with human behavior I find most people don’t know how to unwind. You know this as well as I do, Wind anything tight enough and it will break!

Understanding how to relax is critical to your mental, emotional and physical health. Here are 5 Keys I have found that can help you learn to relax.

Key #1: Rest

If you aren’t rested, it will be exceeding challenging to relax. Your body needs rest. When you are sleeping, you are allowing your mind and your emotions to calm down. When you are sleeping, you are physically recharging. Getting enough “good” sleep is critical to you feeling relaxed!

Resting is more than just sleeping. It is finding an outlet where you can do some mindless action that allows you to get lost in the feeling of nothingness. It’s finding that space where you can turn the world off and just lose yourself in the moment. It could be reading a book, working in the yard, working at a hobby or just vegging out in front of the TV. It is simply a space and time where you step outside your world of stress and find that spot where life just “is.”

Relaxation demands you rest! Without rest you will always feel tired, anxious and overwhelmed.

Key #2: Exercise

For many people exercise is something they are going to do, not something they are doing. It is something they know will help them unwind, but there is so much to get done, they will get to it later.

Learn this lesson well — most of us spend our time collecting emotional clutter, rather than releasing it. Many of you have heard me talk about your “internal garbage can.” Each day we go through our day collecting emotional residue and depositing it in that internal garbage can. We’re too busy to empty it and so, at some point, it is FULL! When that happens, the lid is going to blow off. Anyone around you when it blows is going to feel the full force of every emotional item that was in that can.

One of the major ways to empty that internal garbage can is exercise. You can’t relax with your internal garbage can full. When it is full, you live on edge, little things become big things, it is challenging for you to rest, you never seem to be able to get caught up. All of these, plus many more, just keep filling your can, until there is no room left.

Exercise will calm you down. It is a way to mentally, emotionally and physically unwind, dump the can! When you are exercising, it is a form of release. You will let go of things that are nibbling at you.

Don’t forget that your body is smarting than you. It doesn’t want to collect; it wants to release to keep you from doing damage to yourself. You don’t have to kill yourself exercising; you just need to make it a priority and a consistent part of your life’s routine.

Relaxation requires you exercise to keep your internal garbage can from becoming a time bomb.

Key # 3: Laughter

We don’t laugh enough today! You can’t laugh without relaxing. It is humanly impossible. It has been said for years and the statement is correct, Laughter is food for the soul.

Watch people today, look at their faces, look at their eyes and you’ll see the tension that fills their life. The more their life is filled with “emotional stuff” the more uptight they become.

To relax, to unwind, to dump your inner can, you have to laugh. One person looked at me when I made this statement and said, “If you had my life, you would see there is nothing to laugh about.”

There is always humor in life! There is always something to smile about, to laugh about. Laughter is a way of exhaling all the stuffy air you have collected. Have you ever had a really good “belly” laugh? I mean one where you started and you couldn’t stop. The harder you tried to stop the more you laughed. When it was over, did you tell someone, “I needed that?” That’s what I’m talking about. I’m talking about slowing down, take the race out of life, looking around and finding the humor in a day of your life.

I am writing this while I am scooting across the sky on my way to Phoenix. The gentleman across the aisle had a frown on his face when he sat down and the look he gave me said, “I’m not a happy camper.” Well this lady and her husband took their seat in front of and across the aisle from him. It was like God was challenging his frown. First, they couldn’t decide who was going to take the window seat. Then, he put her bag in the overhead and she decided she needed something out of it. He took it down, she got what she needed and he put it back up. Five times he took it down and put it up. Each time asking her, “Do you have everything you need now?” Each time she would reply, “Yes!”  Each time he had to take the bag down, he also have to take her cane out. Each time he touched the cane, you could see him gripping it tighter and tighter. I have a feeling I knew what he wanted to do with it!

I watched Mr. Frown as he watched this. At first, he just shook his head, then, he smiled a bit and finally, I could see the laughter that was happening inside him. He looked at me, shook his head and smiled that laughter smile. With that he leaned back in his seat, and I could see the difference in his presence. All because he found something to laugh about.

Laughter really is medicine for the soul!

Key # 4: Attitude

How important do you think attitude is to you being able to relax? Do you find the calmer your attitude, the easier it is for you to relax?

Attitude is very important to the ability to relax. The more negative your attitude is, the tighter you wind yourself. The tighter you wind yourself, the more stress you are going to collect. The more stress you collect, the tighter you continue to wind yourself. Now, do you think there is any relaxation is that process?

Attitude is a choice. You can chose to see the good and get the positive feelings that go with that, OR you can chose to see the bad and get the negative feelings that go with that. It is your choice!

Attitude is simply a visual demonstration of what is going on inside you. Watch your attitude and you will know your life!

When you are living seeking the good, you will be much more relaxed. A bad day is a stressful day; a good day is a manageable day. You really do choose which one you get.

Relaxation is easier with the right attitude!

Key # 5: X-Ray Question

Every event you life is handed has a pathway that goes with it. Every choice you make sends you down a path. If you chose the wrong path, you get a journey that keeps you emotionally upside down. When you chose the right path, you get the joy of the journey.

The difference between the right or wrong path is all about the choice you make!

Take me seriously here. You can walk the right path simply my mastering one question. Before you make any decision, pause, take a deep breath and ask yourself, will this feed my confusion or strengthen my clarity?

If the answer is “confusion,” it is the wrong path for you. To walk that path means you are collecting all the stress that will travel with you going down that path.

When you chose the “clarity” path, you get the calmness that goes with that choice. On the “clarity” path, you can relax in knowing you moving forward in your life.

Life really is that simple! That one question really will show you the right answer. The right path will help you relax!

ISN’T IT TIME YOU WORKED ON CALMING YOUR LIFE DOWN AND LEARNING TO RELAX AND ENJOY THE GIFTS OF YOUR DAY?

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

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Most People Want Honesty As Long As It Isn’t Honest!

When I was in the counseling room, I learned a very interesting truth –people would come seeking help, but many wanted to blame others, rather than look at their own life.

I ask people, “Do you always want everyone in your life to be totally honest with you?” You know the answer I get don’t you? NO! Why? Because, honesty creates accountability. With honesty as the foundation, things get resolved, but when honesty is not present, the door to blame, excuses and justification springs wide open.

For there to be growth in one’s life, honesty must be a principle that becomes a guiding force in life! So the question, “How do you get honest with yourself?

Step #1: Hold yourself accountable for your behavior!

The devil doesn’t make you do what you do! You make the choice; you implement the action; it is all your decision. Learn that the statement, “I didn’t mean to do that is actually a lie.” If you hadn’t meant to do it, you wouldn’t have done it. That the truth you have to face.

Step #2: Offer no blame!

Blame is avoidance behavior. As long as there is someone or something to blame, you don’t have to face yourself in the mirror. The interesting thing is you know what you are doing. When you feel the need to blame, stand in front of the mirror and have that conversation while you are looking at yourself. Promise, you won’t be comfortable seeing what you are saying.

Step #3: No more excuses for what you aren’t doing!

An excuse is another form of avoiding your personal behavior! An excuse is a statement designed to take the light off of your behavior. As long as you have an excuse, you can invite blame to the party. When they get together, they running away from your action ok. The challenge is you know what you are doing. The dishonesty increases your emotional turmoil.

Step #4: Examine your emotional connection to the event!

There is a pathway from yesterday to today. Where you are today is defined by the pathway you have chosen from your yesterday. For many their challenge with being honest comes down to two things – fear and/or the fact they have been punished for being honest. Know the path you are walking and you will define the challenge you have with personal honesty.

Step #5: State the facts, not opinions!

Facts are truths; opinions are simply opinions. You can make an opinion say whatever you want it to say. Stay with the facts and honesty is a natural by-product.

Step #6: Tackle your challenges head on!

Again, I learned in the counseling room you gather negative emotions when you don’t deal with issues while they are concerns. When anything becomes a “problem” it gets filled with blame, excuses and justifications. When you face it while it is a “challenge,” you are more willing to hold yourself accountable for what “YOU” have done.

Step 7: Yesterday must become a reference library, not a room to live in!

Here’s a truth many don’t grasp. We design our life to stay where we feel safe. We can know what we need to do; we can understand we must do it, BUT if taking the action creates a fear I can’t manage, I will chose to stay where I feel safe. That safety net is yesterday. When yesterday becomes your living room, your sense of adventure is pushed to the side. It is your spirit of adventure that feeds your inner motivation. Yesterday is where you have been! If you trap yourself there because of fear, it can also become where you are. That will make you a hostage to your prison and destroy your growth.

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!

No One Is Immune From Having Stress In Their Life!

From the day you were born to the day you die one thing is true about your life – you will experience stress! In my book, The Truth About Stress, I define stress as anything in life that makes you uptight. If you think about that definition, that is everyday of your life.

The truth is, stress is a fact of life, what you do with it is your choice. With everything that is happening in people’s lives today, I am seeing an increase in the stress people are experiencing. It is important you understand it is not about eliminating the stress out of your life; it is about controlling your life’s stressors. Stressors are those things that create your stress. Understand them and you can learn to control your stress.

I want to share with you 9 Secrets to Controlling Your Stress.

Secret #1: Seek to resolve, not continue events in your life.

Anything that is not resolved has continuation in your life. Too many time we let fear control our behavior. Fear is an agent of increased stress. When it is controlling your emotions, you will make it ok to postpone dealing with the issue. All that does is add more emotions to your internal mixing bowl where your stress is being stirred up.

Secret #2: Take things at a manageable pace.

Pace is such a critical part of your life’s balance. The faster you are moving the less control you have. When you lose control, you speed up emotionally. The Rule of life should be –Anytime you feel the need to speed up, it is a sign you need to slow down.

Secret #3: Resilience

Resilience is the inner foundation of trust that believes you can get through any situation. We know life is not a straight line; there are going to be unexpected moments and surprises. Believing in yourself and trusting that “you can,” will slow you down and allow you to see the big picture.

Secret #4: Examine the situation with your mind, not just your emotions.

Information either enters our life through our emotions or our imagination. When we examine situations through our emotions, we are “feeling” our way through. That will add emotions. When we are “thinking” our way through, we are seeking resolution, which will calm our emotions and give us a sense of clarity.

Secret #5: Slow down!

Most make life a race, not a journey. When life is a race, we speed up thinking the faster we move the more we are going to achieve. The result is a pace that can’t be managed, frustration with what is not happening and a sense of anger that just grows inside us. Slow down! Make it an adventure where each day you are enjoying the journey.

Secret #6: Seek counsel.

So many of the emails I get from people are asking for guidance with a life’s situation. When one feels stuck, the natural result is an increase in their personal stress. When we feel “we can’t do it on our own,” reach out to someone who is standing on the other side of the street who has made it through. They are there; we will have to search for them.

Secret #7: Organization

People don’t understand the stress the lack of organization places on their life. When one is not organized, they increase the clutter in their life, give their self permission to procrastinate and make others frustrated with them. Organization is simply the process of completing before a crisis is created. Be kind to yourself – get organized!

Secret #8: Resist the temptation to detour.

A detour simply makes the situation more challenging. There is a process to everything that puts one on the path to completion. Get off that path and there is too much uncertainty and confusion to deal with. That guarantees an increase in personal stress.

Secret #9: Stay honest with self.

The lack of self honesty is one of the most consistent creators of personal stress. As long as one lives in denial, nothing gets resolved, emotional clutter increases and each day it filled with avoidance behavior. The result is just more internal emotional collisions for one to deal with.

No one is immune from stress, BUT the good news is stress can be controlled! Remember, stress is a silent killer that lives with each one of us.

For More Information About My Book The Truth About Stress visit www.RichardFlint.com and click on the tools section.

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!

Well, I ran into a new wrinkle in my world of travel. I was leaving Toronto and was told that I had to check my briefcase because it was on wheels. The new rule is when you are entering any port coming into the United States, you MUST check any bag that has wheels. Oh, you can have a backpack, but nothing that is on wheels.

I asked the agent at the USAirway counter, “Why?” His response was, “It is a new GOVERNMENT rule in response to the most recent attempt to blow up the Northwest flight.”

My mind thought, “That didn’t have anything to do with luggage on wheels. He had a bomb hidden in his underwear!”

I get into customs and ask the Custom Officer, “What’s the deal with having to check my computer bag because it is on wheels?”

His response was, “It is a new rule instituted by the AIRLINES.”

Now, I’m thinking, “Someone doesn’t know what is going on here!”

I take my computer out of my bag, check it through and proceed through the x-ray part of security. Once inside there is another line where they go through anything you have. Now, I have just taken off everything and passed it through the x-ray machine. I wait in the line, get to this little man who tells me to take everything out of my pockets, which I do and THEN he tells me to put my hands down the inside front of my pants, then put them in my pockets. I look at him and I guess he could see the surprise on my face. So, he repeats the request.

Folks, I don’t put my hands down the inside front of my pants in private and sure don’t want to do it in public, BUT what are you going to do? If you don’t do it, you don’t get on the plane.

I am amazed how one person can cause the rest of the world to react. I am all for security and safety, but some of this doesn’t make sense. It’s like a few years ago when they took the metal knives off the airplanes, but left the medal forks! I thought, “Hey, I can do as much damage with this metal fork as I could with that knife.”

Know what? Travel used to be fun, but now it has become work!

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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I don’t know about you, but I work very hard for the money I make. I don’t really know what an average work day is. I am up between 3 and 4 each morning and most of my days don’t end until around 8 or 9 in the evening.

Here is what I resent! I don’t mind paying taxes. I know it is an investment in the freedoms I have as an American, BUT when those who have been charged with being responsible with the taxes I pay are irresponsible with the way they spend it, it bothers me.

If I mis-managed money the way Washington does, I would be out of business. I don’t have a printing press where I can just print it, as I need it. Hey, neither do they, but they can just reach out to those who own the press and say “I need another billion dollars” and presto it is there.

I thought we were suppose to have checks and balances in place that would keep these people from being irresponsible, but I guess when you don’t have to be responsible, you can be irresponsible.

For years I have taught great leaders first and foremost have the skill of listening! Some how that has not been taught to many that call themselves a “leader.” Great leaders listen to those who elected them to the role of leadership. Dictators say they listen and do whatever they want.

I have always believed that Leadership is the process of moving a group of people in a direction that is genuinely in their long term best interest. To me that means you listen to what the people are saying, examine their smarts and emotions and then, make the decision that brings them the Best Life Possible.

Maybe, just maybe, politics and fear of party reprisal have become more important than listening to the voice of the people.

So, what do you think?

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

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Each year I take on 5 people to personally coach and whatever their dream is for their life, I guide them to achieving it. People ask me all the time, “So what is your success rate?” In the eight years I have been Guiding people through my One On One (Camel Tour) of my Mentoring Program, I have only had two people not reach their dream. During our journey it became apparent to them what they were calling a dream was actually a fantasy. So, we had to redesign their journey, reframe their thinking and move in a different direction.

The most challenging part of my time with these people is the first four or five months when I am having to help them understand the meaning of and the importance to PACE.

This is one of the most misunderstood aspects of personal improvement. The pace I am talking about is not physical movement, but mental and emotional control. What many don’t understand is either your mind or your emotions are controlling each day of your life. If your mind is controlling, you have the clarity to see “what is,” design a process for the day and move forward with a sense of achievement. If your emotions are in control, you find yourself wrestling with the events of the day, frustrated by what is happening and ending your day feeling you have accomplished very little.

So, why is PACE such a challenge for intelligent, driven people to grasp? Four challenges:

1. Procrastination creates the accumulation of clutter. Hey anything you
Start, but don’t finish, results in emotional residue that affects your creativeness. Creative people have a real challenge slowing down to complete what they start; their mind is always racing to get to the next great victory.
2. A need to achieve and prove their self is constantly pushing them. The majority of driven people are driven by their need to prove self. Nothing is ever good enough; everything must be done with perfection; they are not good at delegating, because they don’t trust most of the people in their life, and besides most people won’t do it to their standards.
3. Communication is not their strong suit. Creative, driven people, are better at having internal conversations than they are having the patience to listen to people ramble. These driven people are good at thinking on their feet and once they have processed the situation, they are ready to move on. To sit and continue a conversation they have completed is not their strong suit. They can also have multi conversations running in their head at one time and leave others wondering what they are talking about.
4. Emotions are all over the place. It is challenging for them to stay focused; they get bored very easily, withdraw, react and leave things unfinished. All this does is create more emotional clutter for them to deal with.

How do I slow them down?
1. Teach them the meaning of Persistent Consistency
2. Address their Emotional Reactive Behavior
3. Teach them the meaning of Consistent Persistency
4. Expand and Expound upon the scope of their dream

So What Do You Think?

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!

I watched 60 Minutes Sunday evening and found my guts being ripped out as they were talking about and showing pictures of the Tragedy in Haiti. I have been following what is going on there because one of my favorite “getaways” is on the other half of the island in the Dominican Republic. I have flown into Port of Prince and have seen the poverty of the Haitian people.

I found it so challenging to watch as the front loaders were scraping up bodies like they were just pieces of trash and dumping them into the trucks waiting to take them to the mass grave that had been dug. The pictures made life so meaningless. I understand why they have to remove the bodies, but the manner in which they were doing it made me sick to my stomach.

What about the families of all those people who will never get to say “goodbye” to their loved ones? What about the mental and emotional turmoil of not knowing if one of those bodies is your mother, your father, your husband/wife, your child, your friend! With all the grief counseling I have done over the years, I would be hard pressed to know exactly what to say to these people.

Their life, as they have known it, will never be the same. Their world will be forever etched in those moments as the earthquake made its presence felt and without any warning destroyed life in so many different ways.

Here are some of the thoughts that went through me last night as I was lying in bed:

• But for the grace of God, that could have been my life. I need to be so thankful for each day of living I have and for each thing my life has. I need to look at my life and examine where I am thankless and wasteful and redesign those behaviors.

• We are so spoiled in this country; the poverty these people live in is overwhelming; yet, here we are, for the most part, fat and happy, each day throwing away enough food to feed the entire nation of Haiti. Most Americans don’t know what it is to go to bed hungry and live without the most basic aspects of life.

• Every young person should have to spend time in a third world country; I think it would make them more appreciative of what they have. When you don’t have to want, you don’t always appreciate what you have. That creates entitlement issues.

• I look at how quickly our country was to send help, and then remember how long it took us to help the people in New Orleans. We spent more time after Katrina trying to figure out whose role it was to help, than we did actually helping those in need. We let those people down and had our own New Orleans Tragedy that we really haven’t faced yet!

• It concerns me, that as a country, we are so quick to help the rest of the world and so slow to take care of the poverty that is within our own country. It bothers me we are fighting a war in the Middle East we will never win! Those people have been at war with each other since the beginning of time and as soon as we leave, they will go back to their warring way of life. The money we are spending there could be used to take care of the people within our own borders. We should not be taking care of the rest of the world, until we first take care of our own people. We are an uninvited guest in a part of the world that doesn’t respect what we have said we are there to do, but is being contradicted by the way we are going about doing it.

• We need to pay attention to what our behavior is doing to the ecology of the earth. Through greed, we have treated Mother Nature with disrespect, and I think she is sending us a message through disasters that SHE HAS HAD ENOUGH! You can’t upset the ecological system of the earth without there being consequences.

Tell you what! I have a renewed respect for life and all it gives me. I pray I never have to experience what the people of Haiti are experiencing and commit myself to strengthening my personal crusade of challenging people to not become complacent with the life they have.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!

YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!